Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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