Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
