just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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