speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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