And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
