glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
