I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
