yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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