happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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