Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
