also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize