i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
