he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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