go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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