i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
