Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
