when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize