there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
