i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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