hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need moral support for this bender
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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