Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
