This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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