The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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