K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
