On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
