his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
honey bunches of taint.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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