I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
