do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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