i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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