Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
