dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
