You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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