She is in my trunk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
