when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
