But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
