he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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