I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
