Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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