I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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