So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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