mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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