he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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