You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just high enough for therapy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
