One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
