I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
