It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
