Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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