Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
