I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
