I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
