I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
