I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
