It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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