I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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