he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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