My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
