is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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