I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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