Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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