Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
