ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize