Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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