I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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