How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
