We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
