carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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