Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
