it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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