my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
