i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
