Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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