I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
